Bosses Now Encourage “Good Enough, Generated by Noon”
📉 BREAKING:
By The Bureau of Lowered Expectations
In a stunning yet oddly soothing announcement this morning, corporations across the globe have formally rescinded their long-standing obsession with perfection, citing the widespread adoption of generative AI and a general vibe of “meh, close enough.”
Executives from several Fortune 500 companies gathered on a Zoom call — all wearing hoodie-blazers and dead eyes — to declare the dawn of a new corporate era: Productivity Over Precision™.
“Look, we’ve been lying to you,” confessed Ava McToken, Chief Optimization Evangelist at Crumbworks, Inc. “We never really wanted perfection. We just wanted plausible deniability and something shiny to show the board. Now with AI, we can finally embrace our truth: Speed is king, and Quality is a rumor.”
The move comes after millions of employees were told to “just ChatGPT it” for reports, presentations, and even sensitive HR policies. Workers quickly learned that “perfection” now meant fewer grammatical errors than last time, and maybe an image that doesn’t have 17 fingers.
One anonymous project manager expressed relief. “I used to triple-check every deck slide. Now I just paste the AI output into PowerPoint, slap a logo on it, and call it Thought Leadership. My boss called it ‘visionary.’ I cried in the bathroom.”
Perfection’s Final Nail: A Memo in Comic Sans
The moment historians now mark as the official death of perfection came via a memo — generated by AI, approved by Legal, and accidentally formatted in Comic Sans. It read:
“Due to budget constraints, timelines, and vibes, the pursuit of perfection is no longer considered cost-effective. Please aim for ‘probably right’ and deliver by EOD.”
Experts Weigh In
Workplace psychologist Dr. Belinda Crampston says this may be a net positive. “Perfectionism was always a capitalist weapon disguised as a virtue. Now that even machines hallucinate, humans are finally allowed to be flawed again — as long as they hit ‘Send’ before 3pm.”
Crampston is currently writing her next book, “Letting Go and Logging Off,” entirely with the help of generative AI. The publisher doesn’t mind. “It’s not like anyone actually reads these,” said the editor.
Meanwhile, in HR
To accommodate the shift, Human Resources has launched a new initiative: Imperfectly Yours, a mindfulness campaign where employees write daily affirmations like:
- “It compiles, therefore I ship.”
- “Done is the new excellent.”
- “I am not my typos.”
A commemorative plaque has already been placed in the breakroom where perfection used to sit — quietly judging.
The New Standard
As one executive put it: “We used to ask, ‘Is it perfect?’ Now we ask, ‘Did it cost us anything emotionally?’ That’s growth.”